a piece of my bubblegum

Why oh Why

2009-08-29T19:38:00.002+08:00

i just find that i'm using the space from whinning more than i should.
i just can't help it. there is nothing, basically nothing to blog about everyday coz im stuck at work doing tons of paperwork which i find it super troubling.

anyway, the fasting month is already here and soon will be syawal. belief it or not, time flies really fast when you are not really looking at it.

and today, i just want to die. My application for diploma in early childhood was rejected. it was unsuccessful and the feeling sucks. Yesterday i declined an offer to become a pt-teacher over at this school and come on!! yesterday i rejected a one in a life time offer and now, my application for diploma is being rejected.

now, i want to quit my current office job. it defeats the whole purpose. i switched industry coz i thought that once my application is being approved and i for sure need lots of money and guess what time fail on me so did my fate!

i want to go back to where i belong. i'm irritating right now.
fuck it.

i don't know

2009-08-20T22:57:00.002+08:00

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT EXACTLY I WANT IN LIFE?????
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY AM I TREATING EVERYONE LIKE THIS?????
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY AM I HAVING THIS STUPID MOOD SWING???
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHO WOULD REALLY UNDERSTAND ME???

I REALLY DO KNOW THAT I'M BEING AN ASS NOW.
OUH. GOD.

fuck.

2009-08-19T01:46:00.003+08:00

Besides the fact that i'm already home, i got a good bombard from mum. It really pisses me off. She even locked me outside the door by 'selak' the pintu so eventhough i have key, i can't go in.

She asked me to stay outside the house! She even asked me to stay with me friends. If i had followed my anger, i would just left my house right now.

She even said that she cannot beat me up since im big enough. She cannot even slap me because i still have face injuries. When she opened the damn door, she lectured me like no one business. She said that i am being a big pussy because i come back home almost 1am every single day. She said that im the black sheep of the house.

I am not like my sisters. I kept giving her problem since i was in secondary school. She said that i complaint to someone saying that my mum trust an outsider more than she trust her own daughter. i mean, that is the fact. She said that she had tried her best to understand my attitude, my wants, my desire but yet still she can't.

She said that all i want is to enjoy and enjoy and enjoy. that's all. She caught me playing 4D. She told me that it was wrong. She even said: you remember the times where i used to play 4D, nothing happen. Infact life got worst. She started blabbering about me not performing my prayers anymore, and it's not as it she never sent me to religious classes.

She started blabbering about my accident. She started saying that whatever happen to me, is because of my own wrong doing. At this age(20s), is where all the wrong-doings will happen and now she's telling me that i can't do any mistake?! i don't know what else to state here.

AM I STILL A KID OR WHAT TILL SHE HAVE TO LIST DOWN EVERY SINGLE THING THAT I'VE DONE?! NO, I'M NOT.

you've done your part as a mum, eventhough you're not the best, its now totally up to me on how i want my life to be like. so quit bugging me.

this is the last time, if she's gonna nag my ass out, i'll for sure leave the house for good. I have nothing more to say. good night. Don't be a KPO-ass if you've read this entry. It got nothing to do with your life. So quit commenting on mine.

chiow!

redundant.

2009-08-13T02:53:00.002+08:00

omg
its been close to two weeks since i left my blog just like that. rotting away in the bloggersphere. yeah, i know u can call me lazy and wats not but my job is killing me big time mann.
couldn't really think straight on wat to blog about. i have toooooooooo many things going inside my head. i have toooooooooooo many say that i want to say and i really think i should do a private blog to let go some of my 'personal feelings' well, hows that?

my current site is now at Sengkang and i also go home like orang terkakang! cb. the ezlink card fare is slaughtering me alive. imagine from chinatown to sengkang cost u 1.60, and imagine frm sengkang to bukit panjang, like wtf!

i was looking at some photos on tagged, i realised something. i wasn't really the first afterall.
gee, i think i know why. now should i question whether im saving the heart for the right people or not.

its not fun being trapped like this, u dont really know your direction and aiming. not even the bulleyes. idk. Yes, i know, im being very pissy right now, but who cares. The last three days was a nightmare for me. it sucks big time. i don't get sales. i don't seems to please myself, things dont go the way i want them to be, and irritate the hell out of me when it comes to 'her', Fcuk or what mann?!

aiyahh. if things are meant to be that way, than u know what i should just stop whinning.
and what? i'm SKII at work, yes give me that stupid reaction again people. -___________-

i want to go back to school. i hate working life.

smack

2009-07-29T04:13:00.000+08:00

i feel like smacking someone right on his/her face. im so fucking angry now. i'm so mad that i want to scream in the middle of the night. i want the whole residential knows that i'm fucking mad. i want to roar like a lioness protecting its cub from some wolves. urgh! i'm bloody pissed off. now to me it totally makes sense now. it really do.

what really matters is things dont matter anymore. can someone please be my punching bag now. i really want to punch hard. i want to kick some's ball. i want to be very violent now. i cannot take it. i've had enough of being littlemissnice with everyone or at least pretending to be.
cb!!!

get away from me now. i need time to think. i really do. there's too many things up there. there's too many things bothering me. i need fresh i mean fresher air. i want a far looooooooong getaway.

sick.

2009-07-28T20:59:00.004+08:00

currently im down with a verrrrrrrrrrry high fever of 39.4 and my brain is boiling like some soup kambing at west coast foodcenter. God! My tongue taste of medicine and all. My body ache so badly like some old lady trying to do exercise.

i feel like dying now. the doctor suspected that i got myself infected by the Influenza A (H1N1), i mean how worst can i get besides being on 7 days MC. im sad. Me no like~

apologies

2009-07-26T15:42:00.011+08:00

i know i know i've abandon my blog like no one business. i mean come on larh, im too tired to update. The job that i've got is taking most of my time. Heels are killing me. Formal wear sucks coz im running out of them very soon, in like 1 day time? haha. I'm bored of my Agnes B beg, im bored of my Guess pumps, im bored with my Mondo high heels i want something more than all this. *whine mode*

Anyway, i know my blog is getting kinda dry coz i've got nothing much to update larh. Told you that my work is taking up most of my time. Chey.

no larh, anyway, this is lukmanul haqim, i know i know he's name is soooooooooo sedap macam mintak kena sepak okay. He lovees to bully me like no one business. kncb. very damn slumber i tell you, he will go randomly terkejut kan me than i will start to melatah like some makcik at pasar, siak right?

and lukmanul haqim, i'll make you one of the reason, i mean the biggest reason, why i should lose more weight. So that you won't pinch my fats when you get aggitated by me lorh. lol. I'll be so skinny like papan, then padan muke you. but on the actual fact, i can't be skinny till that extend or my mummy will jump on me like how my first sister kena.

this is what you call 'step handsome' abeh muke mintak kena sepak.dot.com. guess larh which one is him. yes, i know he look very chinese eh? Honestly, he look good in this picture larh.

Okay, the other day lukman fetched me from work and we headed off to nowhere actually. We went to Pasir Ris to check out the prawing site where we plan to go if we get our pay next week (bestnyer!!) but before that we ended up at Downtown east first to park his bike and we had to pass through the Pasir Ris Park which is like super eerie at night.

While we were on our way, we actually skodeng a nyonya, i mean she looks more like a china lady to me, whom just came out of a tent and she wasn't wearing her bra and its like so freaking obvious. Me being super duperly excited, asked i mean forced lukman to actually look at the nyonya and he was like superly disgusted with her. the reaction was like super cute you know. Why the fuck am i using too many 'super' in this paragraph? now than i realise.

Very funneh(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), should have taken a picture of that nyonya. I mean come on larh, just because you just came out of your tent and all done with your 'project' please be decent enough to put on your bra so that people like me and lukman won't get a chance to stare at them. Gosh! i sound so wrong. haha.

its always gonna be a fun and funneh day if i go out with him,
tak kira time, kite nak ketawa kite nyer pasal. haha.

So how how how? club per end of the month lukman? Geram je eh? Two months tao dh puase from clubbing. Your treat right?! *sungguh macam paham, this part* Lukmanul haqim treated me Nasi Ayam Penyet at Changi
Village!!!!! At last dapat makan. Thanks to him. I owe you a big one. No, i think i'll be dead by next week coz it's his turn to ketok me like no one business.

im going to play badminton later with Ajit Dearest. Burning all this fats very fast! Lets just see who's better now.
Im the Progol while Ajit is the Pro in badminton which is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not fair(!!!!!!!!!!!!) im angry on that. I'll update later with all the picture of us playing badminton yeah? See the hand urh.

birthday.

2009-07-19T15:32:00.001+08:00

It was this spoilt brat birthday. anyway she's 10 but behaves like she's 5. She doesnt know how to be independent. irritating, i know. Even my little cat knows how to do his own stuff. heh~

anyway the day was spent well, and for now blogger is being such a big ass. i mean since when it doesn't right?

now, when is it gonna be my turn to celebrate my bdae. *SAD*

im feeling sad now.

2009-07-19T05:12:00.012+08:00

I was watching Gila Gila Pengantin Remaja(GGPR) when the theme song reminded me of you. Gee, i miss you a lot. I miss the way you sing the theme song with all your expression in your face. I don't know. It's been weeks since i last saw you. I'm feeling super down(?) now.

I just can't describe what i feel. Im not even near happy or sad? I feel kind of pissed of that i didn't even get any getwell soon messages from you. Am i not important anymore? (yeah, you gonna say that your ppd low; i know.)and I mean, am i thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssss invisible to people or what?

i don't why but i think you don't care anymore. you forget me when you're out with your friends. One freaking phone call a day? that's the best you can do? Why well done! i don't feel like talking to you. i'm not your priority anymore am i? Why is everyone turning their back against me?

Even my parents neglect me when im sick after this surgery. How i wish grandma and grandpa (Especially Grandpa) is still living with me. I miss grandpa asking me to eat my medication everytime before i go to sleep. I miss grandpa asking me to cook for him Maggie at 3am in the morning. I miss grandpa smile. I'm down with fever of 38.6 degrees right now, Still no one cares! suckers. Oh ya! i forgot, im invisible.

now, luqman is so sweet my foot. he wants to buy me a teddy(which i insisted) from "build-a-bear" but with his freaking name on it, loser sia.

PERIOD.

Surgery

2009-07-18T00:26:00.001+08:00

Praises to god! Today was the day that I went to remove my arch bars in my mouth and I was put through general anesthesia. The surgery went smoothly except there were a slight glitch where my parents need to sign some consent form and both of them are at work.

Even my 25 years old sister isn’t allowed to sign that form. Due to that, daddy had to rush down from work (lucky thing that he works in Tanglin area) thus it’s quite near to the hospital.

I went through a bout 2 hours of surgery. My condition was quite stable after the surgery but still I had low blood pressure and had to drink Supppper sweet Milo for sugar intake.

Currently, I am at home and was discharged today itself because doctor thinks that my condition was rather stable. Everything was fine and clear
My gums are very swollen just like I expected. There’s blood every time I brush my teeth. I’m not able to chew and currently on semi-solid food intake or liquid intake. Gonna rest now.

Btw, I will be having a job interview this coming Monday at Mosque St. which also happens that I don’t even know where the fuck is Mosque St. Who cares? I just need a job now. Ouh god please let me at least have a stable job.

And when about I feel that I could do something good later on with a very stable job and all, I received a message on my mobile phone which makes me contemplate. @ 1208a.m I received a text message from Starbucks Samuel:

I’m going to slp. But before I slp, I just thought I msg you first. If you want to come back, what kind of assurance and guarantee I have that the store or myself will not be taken advantage again. Please think carefully & consider carefully. If you can’t commit, I rather we keep our relationship as friends. I also need that can contribute shifts. I apologize for being so direct & honest, because too many people in the store are taking advantage of me just like you know. It’s time fore me to make a stand. I hope you that you understand. Work is work.

So if I were to join back Starbucks, the chances of helping Jill get a job in my store would be higher right? Would it? I don’t know. I’ll wait till Monday and then I’ll reply to Samuel’s message.

If I do reply, what guarantee can I give him and James? Gee, that’s another hard one.

hot hot hot

2009-07-16T00:12:00.009+08:00

wowwww. can you belief that or what? yeah yeah yeah, it was a splendid day spent with fahmi. Yes, i'm not calling you by your nick name lorh. No, not anymore. After two years, of not meeting each other, today marks the day where SuperDupers Inc. reunite. Awww, just like the old days.

Fahmi wanted to do some shopping which also cost a lot of walking from one place to the other place. We started off at Bukit Panjang where he fetched me and off we went to Bugis village and junction to find some decent clothing for him, but being the 'mr bitchy and annoying' everything just don't seems nice to him.

"Wow, someone is getting prettier uh, hot already uh! So slim! I likee"- fahmi. like cannot belief those words actually came out from his mouth. Yerlarh dulu ku babat kan, takpe2.

We ended up in Arab Street eating instead! Omfg! We had our late lunch at Kampong Gelam Cafe. I also realised that we had tons to talk about and we also happen to be the most kecoh people who are sitted there. kncb.

After that we walked to Suntec City where fahmi bumped into his friend who was also shocked to see the both of us walking together, i mean who doesnt. After two freaking years man! lol. "eh isn't this your ex-gf?! *freaking shocked face, almost drooling* hot stuff pe skrg? Hi!" - wah this guy talk like i have deaf ears. As if i can't hear what he was saying, all i can do was smile as politely as possible.

It feels good when people say you're pretty huh? So long i've waited for this time where i can loose weight and people think i look more slimmer and better. HAH! okay diam, aku kembang. Asal? ade problem? lol.

So fahmi ended up in topman buying two shirt which i choose the colour for him and we walked to Marina Square cause he knows that i would loooooooove to have Famous Amos cookies. Aww~ it feels nice when you remember one of my favourite food you know. We even played our favourite I SPY game. Swear i kept on laughing because the both of us tebiat like that.

We made our way to Mustafa center coz i drag him there and believe if or not this fahmi doesnt know that Mustafa Center is like a place where you can also get bundles of sports stuff and tons of other things. We were stuck in the place for almost 2 hours coz fahmi was so engrossed with his shopping and i eventually became his shopping advisor. Only take what i think is okay. Chey.

overall, i still feel that we can click as a friend. not more than that. thank you fahmi for the great day. Now tell me when you're meeting me again? two years time again? haha.

No no no, who says we are drifting apart. We just have our own space for each other to breathe you see. We will need each other support forever like forever? heh! you know i still think you're the cutest little thing right? and i miss jill so badly now. i wonder if he feels tha same way too. Just one more day to my surgery, im getting all sweaty about it. Its scary! I miss you i miss you i miss you!!

home.

2009-07-14T14:36:00.006+08:00

i've told myself that i will be sitting at home today. so cross finger that i will be keeping my words on that till 12 midnight later on. i was so engrossed with my blogskins template layout when i receive a text message from him @ 1303hrs:

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you

It left me smiling for a while. & i know one thing for sure he really love sending me those random 'i love you' messages as and when he likes it. No, its not the silly-tilly people, its about how he loves being random and that makes the whole thing special.

anyhoots people, it doesn't take much of an effort to ignore some phrase that i've said earlier on if you find it too mushy. heh! I'm getting all itchy and wants to go club end of the month. I can't keep my body still over at clarke quay the other day man! i felt like dancing like no one business.
okay lets side tracks again:
Yesterday yanti called me and told me about something and it really left me thinking quite deep. The question is: is it true that many girls nowadays are too materialistic that makes them "born to ride big bigs only?"

i've also come to realise that many girls these days are turning into what you call them "minah tyre", if you got bike, than i'll love you if not, no. you can go away. Or better still, 2b bikes are totally off the league board. I don't get it. & for guys with bikes, So what you have bikes? That doesn't mean you can woo girls like no other person on earth can.

Just because your boyfriend rides it doesn't gives you any reason to be proud of like saying: My one and only rider. If you want to ride so much then go and ride in bed then. Yanti was one of the victim. The ex-boyfriend left her because of a girl whom also happens to be "minah tyre" and was going after her ex-boyfriend who has a big bike.

Worthless to cry about yeah yanti? its been to wish them karma is great. Just like the whore whom now doesn't even have any friends and keep on pestering you like you're her little sister.

I still have 3 more days to go before my surgery. I even had nightmare on it already. Bloated face again, fuck so ugly.

Get yourself updated fuckers

2009-07-13T23:32:00.002+08:00

Why on earth can’t some people keep their mouth and ass shut? Why some people think that they know everything and when the fact is they actually know nuts about the matter. It’s so not funny to be treated like some shit for the past 3 or 4 days. People don’t keep their mouth shut eh?

No! Never will. The main thing here, it’s my life you’re talking about and damn you girl, I have every single rights to disagree with you. Who the fucks are you two anyway? One is the story teller and the other is a messenger, wow! I guess that really make an excellent team.

Don’t give me crap and bull story by saying: oh! I heard everything from this person and you, the story-teller won’t get caught in your words. But sorry to break the good news honey, I’ve known everything. Man! Why are people being such a big kpo these days? People like you and Aziezah (whore) should be punished by slicing your tongues into pieces and throw to a pool of piranhas.

But im cool yo! It takes more than that to bring me down. It takes more than those bad-mouthing to bring me down. Coz I know that we gonna stay strong together. No matter what it takes honey, you’ve lose to me. Right in your face motherfucka(s).

Side track on my pre-evaluation check up for my surgery this Friday.

I went for my check up just now and I had the biggest shock of my life. During my last few weeks of stay in the hospital, they found out some abnormality in my blood; sound as blast as it seems. The results that they’ve retrieved, this abnormality actually is a minor thing but when I get injured or a bump on something, I actually will tend to bleed more than others and the bump that I got will swell v badly. I’m forced to quit smoking this few days due to general anesthesia and to reduce complicacy during the surgery.

I had to do three blood test, advice against pregnancy, one ECG (fyi: for the chest reading) and thanks to the Chinese look alike cute love; Jill, whom caringly accompanied me to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for the checkup even though he had to wake up like super early. Awww! I know you’re the sugar-blood rush you know.

It’s like a few more days to go, and im going to get a bloated face and liquid diet again. Im so sad.

revamp and update

2009-07-11T23:30:00.004+08:00

pardon me for my previous entry, i know i was super rude but im stating the facts of life and not everything is going smoothly like we want it to be right, my apologies to my readers again.

now isnt that better? *ehem* a whole new look being added too. Why oh Why, i've been busy the last two weeks due to my temp job over at the Sails, fucking rich people only stays there. The lifestyle is so different over there.

anyway, i've watched transformers just now. Omg omg omg! i know im abit to lag behind but what choice do you have man, people wants to treat you for free. Thank you ajit dearest for the movie.

but bfore that, we had to go jemputan over at Toa Payoh and its so freaking far from Bukit Panjang, sakit bontot aku tao tak! We ended up reaching the place at about 3plus because, me, being little miss pemalas nak bangun siang, keep on snoozing my alarm clock.

but since it was my far uncle's wedding, i forced myself to go because his mum actually visited me while i was in the hospital. My uncle is 46 this year and he's married to a 24years old lady from padang, where the fuck is padang? i also don't know, thats what im being told by mum.

Poor thing that i didn't took a snap of the lady and damn! one gorgeous girl that my uncle got man! She has this indonesian actress look and super sharp nose, i wonder how my uncle know her man.

the wedding was done very too traditionally and i felt that my outfit was a bit to grand for the occasion. People was wearing baju kurung and stuff and im wearing the 'headturner' baju. haha. They had the minang kabau thingy costume too! What a rare outfit to find right?

and many have been telling me that i loose a lot of weight. *points up*

Tips: break your jawbone by hitting it with anything, not able to go on solid food diet and just drink milk, and the result will be able to be seen in just 5 days. Trust me, it's the worst ever dieting tip or way you want to slim down.

please people, thats a joke. i slim down a lot because i can't eat properly due to the jaw accident.

there is a few things that i want to do by the end of the month:

Pay all my bills: handphone bill and lappy.
Splurge on myself, shopping retreat people.
Buy something for someone because this person really needs it mann! *kening up up*
Treat Dyeuh out for a clubbing session and drinks on me.

LASTLY & MOST IMPORTANTLY:

I'm going to enrol myself for class 3 (Auto)! I can't wait baby!

Whore

2009-07-06T15:31:00.003+08:00

YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE

(I know i should mind my manners, but not this time round)

What do you know about friendship? What is even friendship to people like you? Do people like you even appreciate the fact that friends are created to befriend with you and be there for you when you are alone. I guess you never thought of it before. Yet still bother to take care of your friend feelings.

No, there isn’t any us anymore. There isn’t the happy four us anymore. There isn’t any my four sexy girlfriends anymore. All I know there is only three. You’re not part of the circle, and you might wondering why. Let me just set the line straight here, there is such thing as a circle of trust and we four build that together since the day we’ve known each other and you my dear, broke that circle of trust. Punishment for breaking that circle of trust: losing your friend whom you claim that you love dearly.

Friends don’t bitch behind each other back unless if there is a need to do so, but you’ll ended up regretting what you’ve said moments ago. Friends don’t call each other up only when they are bored. Friend don’t go after your friends boyfriend or date or crush or whatever you called it. Friends will think of the other party feelings before making the next step but you, you’re an ass.

“An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything.” But that saying just doesn’t apply to you. You’ve hurt me so much. You’ve hurt our friends so much. You even tried to break our friends relationship and nw you’ve got your hands on mine. I don’t want to say mean things about you but seriously you’re acting like you’re whore.

Mutual friends? I really feel like spitting right in your face. Mutual friends don’t go around saying that you miss his love, cuddle and kisses. Fuck! Im utterly disgusted with you because you know how much I treasure him yet you’ve tried your luck and gee, luck seems to be on your side. You even badmouth me when you’re not even updated to the real story. You don’t even know the truth and drama that is happening.

Im not angry because of jealousy, no, it was never my point to shoot at you. Im angry because you never even respect our friendship. In friendship there’s two things to maintain it, its respecting it and also having honesty in it. You said to me that you respected our friendship that is why you wanted to confess to me, like hello friend, if you respected our friendship you wouldn’t even think of doing it the first place.

And currently, you are even having feelings for him which you denied in having, give me a break honey. Whom are you trying to lie here? yourself or your little brains?

You want to be a man(Women) and wants to meet up with me and talk things out, damn girl, you sure have loads of guts yeah? I swear if ever you were to tell that issue infront of me, I’ll be one mad lady that you guys never seen. I’ll grab anything that is nearest to me and throw it directly at you. Dare me, I’ll show you what I’ve got.

Kecik-kecik cili api dah besar wasabi, nak try? Seriously urh, kau mane peh minah ke, kening kau tipis sampai kena draw ke, too bad honey, kau dah langgar wire aku, big time.

“I’m dating him, the one that you treasure the most” – imagine me having to said that to you, what would you feel. Im not trying to be mean here, no wonder you’re not even attached you have too many guys which you can fling on which also includes someone’s husband, fiancee, boyfriend, scandal, crush and etc.

Save your freaking thoughts, I’ve enough of you and your stupid reasoning. Just fuck off from my life. To the person that I treasure the most, I seriously hates you right now. The more hate have come to an extend of not wanting to be your friend anymore. I wished that I’ve not known you so I won’t be so hurt with your actions. Bloody hell with my Nasi Ayam Penyet, I can get them myself.

So for that can I just call you mother of all whore.

High at Cuscaden

2009-07-01T23:29:00.005+08:00

The gst offset release at about 2am in the morning and yes! the guys have been calling up each other to grab a drink, i mean not just a drink but lots of drink at Cuscaden. The last time i went here was like last month, just to grab a drink and had seafood bbq and of course Rudy and Azmi was there to serve us, cheyy~ regular mah.
We ladies just wanna let our hair down too sometimes you see. Double O this thursday and damn! how on earth can we not go drinking again aites? haha. We even had plan to go Dbl O together this coming Thursday but we have to make sure that Emelia doesnt need to work or anything, its ladies night darla.
Jugs after jugs of beers, Damn! it's crazy having to go drinking with the guys. It was chill and steady during the first round, but all of us started to get extra hyper when it comes to the 4th or 5th round.. Wooots, power per? Sumpah aku respect Farhan's gf for being a heavy drinker. Power uh. This was just another small reunion with the guys. Anyhoots, yesterday was hectic man at Cuscaden. The place was super pack like shit.

Everyone was cramping and of course loads of familiar faces everywhere. Even met Fendi over there, damn! its been ages since i saw him. Which one eh? the one in the flat cap, yes you got that one. He's like my looooooooooooooooooooooooooong lost friend seh. -_________-

Thanks yeah Ajit dearest for the non-stop supply of vodka redbull (LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE!!!!!!). Amaciam? three jugs of white and that's it. Im gone all tipsy and half alert.. With burben coke in between and i mean half jug of it, (NOTE: i don't drink burben) i got all tipsy and _______(insertword). I had fun and high. Yes, that's the word, i got high.... After soooooo long.

*tipsy nitsy* i'll update more pictures while at work or so, im not sure. chow! aku nak tido dulu.

Besok keje. Champion eh? Aku tao. but still im soooooo damn worn out right now.

DBL O this thursday with Dyeuh. damn i'll go straight to work after that. Life never been better.
I love to partaaayyyyyy!

bodoh

2009-06-29T02:32:00.001+08:00

baek per?! aku hilang semua picture that i took with jill and friends at botanical garden. This sucks man! I fucking reformated my lappy, and how on earth can i forget to load the pictures inside my external hard disk drive! Pissed off. Knncb.

off notes.

2009-06-28T15:23:00.006+08:00

and dearest i'll always love you. You've played a big role in my life.
You've changed me to a girl whom thinks ahead and not being childish. You
thought me how to live life the way other want but yet still be humble. You've
been my backbone. Your moral support has always encouraged me to be better than
anyone else. I love you for teaching me all sort of manners and wordings of
life. Remember the times when we were on holiday together? Remember? Eventhough it was just Malaysia, yet still we had fun times together. We went shopping and go crazy at KL, remember? We went through thick and thin together. When i had my accident, you came down rushingly to see how my condition was. You're so fcuking mad with me for not taking care of myself. You even told me how you wished that you're the one who would fall down and broke your jawbone instead of me. I remember how we even fight inside the Emergery Area just because i don't want you to blame Fir for not taking care of me when he actually did. I remember how you sob badly when you heard that i've got to go through an operation in two days time. The moments when i was being pushed inside the Operation Theater, you held my hands so tightly and asking me to be a strong girl. When i fall ill or i'm too lazy to eat, you'll always feed me with your hand. You'll feed me like a baby and make sure i finish everything on the plate before i can wash my mouth. You will always go "okok, last one! then you can wash your mouth, open your mouth, hmmm, sedapnye." when i say that i'm full. I'll randomly ask you to carry me cause i'm too lazy to walk to the carpark or nearest toilet. You'll piggy-back me everytime but never once you say that you're tired. I've always admire your courage of being strong and mightly. At the age of 22 years old, you hold responsibilty towards your family members. Unlike any other 22 years old kid, they're still out there partying all night long, but you, you go all ways and round just to put food on the table. That is how big a sacrifice of the Eldest brother and the best ever boyfriend i've ever got. Ouuh, how can i forget you dearest, you'll always be here : In my heart.

Family? No. I don't think so.

2009-06-26T17:00:00.002+08:00

Honestly speaking, i don't know what is becoming out of my family. Everytime i come back home from wherever i went too, the house that i came back to is forever silent. As silent as a library. No one in this house talks anymore, except me though, on the phone and on the net.

First sister is busy with work. She work graveyard shift and thus, all she does when she reaches home is : Sleep. Yes, you got that one really exact.

Second sister: Doesn't lives with us anymore, she lives with my cousin at Jurong and seldom comes home. If i were her, i'll do the same thing.

Little sister: She's a spoilt brat, ignore her.

Mummy: She's being a arse, i mean big arse these days. All she does at home is to nag and being scarstic with people around her. All she does is to ask me and my other sister money non stop, reason being: She doesnt have enough money.

Dad: Follows whatever mummy says. Sometimes i feel that he doesnt even have his own backbone. All he does is to please my mummy but not thinking of our feelings, the family feelings. Sometimes i feel like kicking him in his balls and tell him to be a real man.

Grandpa: He's offended by mummy's harsh words.

Grandma: damn! she's not my favourite thou. But yet still i pity her.

So here's the story, But before that i belief some of my family members like cousins, sister and aunts are also reading my blog thus i want this to be a place where you guys knows what am i feeling, yes, deep down inside. I apologise if i'm being too frank about family matters but at times we just have to take out the dirty laundry out for a wash.

This whole family issues started off with my cousin wanting to get engaged to this girl whom my aunt don't like. Since than things got worst because my grandpa insisted of getting the both of them engage since my cousin is not young, he is like in his late 20s, so why bother stopping him.

My aunt started to create stories on the whole issues and starts influencing mummy. My mummy being so dumb and naive starts believing the whole story without even listening to the other party. To cut things short, things got worst between grandpa, my aunt and mummy.

"Jangan nak pandai2 tolong abang boi kau nyer majlis. Kalau aku dapat tau kau tolong, aku takkan tolong kau langsung untuk majlis khawin kakak! Kau ingat tuh!" - this was one of the most hurtful sentence mummy throw to my first sister. How could you! she's your own daughter.

When my first sister tried advising her, she started screaming loudly: "Kau diam eh kakak, kau jgn nak pandai2 ajar aku tentang pahala and dosa, who are you to teach me like that", how arrogant an adult can be at times.

She even says that my accident got to do with my sibling and grandpa helping my cousin engagement preparation, which makes me go, WHAT THE FUCK. yes.

Now, to be honest, my mummy intention is very straight and simple: She just wants my grandparents to be out from my house, i mean HER house. The same freaking old reason, she wants freedom and she hates it that her father and mother in law is staying with her. But at the same point, she doesnt remember that the same person whom she is now kicking out has been the person whom save her marriage from falling apart. they are the ones who helped her when the family is in debt.

Yet still, she can't seems to appreciate it.

My grandpa is very determine to leave this house. He even has packed his things and wants to live with my uncle which i seriously don't like. He has his breakfast in the room because he don't want my mummy to make noise saying that he dirty the living room or the dinning room. He never leaves his room unless my mummy has left for work. Things are so intense in the house that no one talks to each other.

oh god, what is becoming to this family.

Dry picnic.

2009-06-25T23:31:00.015+08:00

Hi all, today was marvellous. I had dry picnic with Jill, Irfan and Syafiq at Botanical Gardens. The sun was just nice, not too hot, not too shady for a dry picnic. Ouh lovely.
We had Chipsters, Jack n Jill potato chips and Chocolate HL Milk, T hank you Jill for the HL Milk. Jill was super happy to see my DSLR and able to 'mingle' with it all by himself.
When the guys are busy playing soccer, i'm all alone with my camera. The day was super fun with my dslr around, ouh i've been missing it badly. Anyhoots, nothing much was being told. We had talks on love life and Afiq never, i repeat, never had a girlfriend : Correct reaction OMG!

This is Irfan as known as POTEK. he really needs to change is specys.

So, when the sun started to set bit by bit, I became a model to Jill's Photography. haha, Some pictures are surely to be credited to Jill for being so impromptu and fun while taking the shots, Example like the picture above: (*Points up*)

visiting nenek

2009-06-24T00:57:00.005+08:00

Today the sun shone extremely hard on me, but yet still i love the sun. It was another day trip to the hospital to visit Ajit's dearest grandmother in the hospital. Ajit dearest had a job interview at Changi Airport early in the morning and by 3pm, i receive a text message saying: "Hello babygirl, i'm under your void deck already!", Awww. You never fail to be puntual nowadays, Good!

We headed straight for a coffeeshop nearby cause he was complaining to me that he was super duper hungry that he can even eat me up within 5 second, drama keling lah, especially my thighs which he calls them "Shikin'sDrum", Enak berkrim diselaputi lemak. *inner joke*

Ajit dearest had his Nasi Ayam goreng sambal while i had nothing, who cares, i've been on diet for almost a month. All i had was a cup of Iced milo but still the smell and the sight of Nasi Ayam Goreng makes me drool. & being very rude, he goes "ERRRMM, SEDAP NYE" everytime he puts one good full spoon of rice into his mouth.. But whatever it is, i still maintain glamour and step tak heran. Wahahaha. After the lunch, we straight down to Tan Tock Seng to visit grandma who's been warded for almost 2 weeks or so. She's down with a second stage of stroke where comes to a point doctor comes up to us and tell that grandma is now on a 40-60 stage of living. So before visiting, we had our smokebreak, as pernormal and i thought of becoming one proud visitor of TanTockSeng by taking pictures with the building as the background. *points below*

This picture below was taken 3 days ago and can you imagine how bad is a condition is right now. i teared when i saw her. She kept holding my hand when i was sitting next to her and reciting Al-Fatiha at her ears and telling her to let go. I can't hold my tears that long and ended up crying like a small kid.

She's on tube for feeding and medication. Note, the tube goes through the nose. She has tubes for urination. Her hands are tied because grandma tried opening the tube the other day so for her safety, the nurses and doctor took such precautions. Doctor also told us that the bloodclot in the left side of her brain, which affects the right side of the body, is growing bigger, thus this resulted to grandma not able to open up her eyes. Just by typing all this out, i hope you guys know how bad his grandma state is and you guys are able to recite a simple prayer such like Al-Fatiha so that this can give his grandma strenght and will to continue living.

Relatives that were there was: Zura, Cik Wayah, Kak Ijan, Nurul, Boiboi, Qistina(baby of Nurul and boiboi), Adek Mok, Gegerl, Ajit, Me and Dino.

We had tons of laughter together cause i think its been quite sometime since all of us met, as per normal, rokok kena rewang, and we had a good nice picnic beside a rubbish bin outside TTSH smoking area. Gosh!

After the gathering, Ajit dearest and I had our super late dinner at Mac Donalds Bukit Panjang Plaza because i was craving for some ice-cream or chocolate milkshake and he was craving for Mc Spicy. As per normal, he's the one who ended up finishing my chocolate milkshake and all the other side orders that we've order, the forever dumpingfoodbin. haha.

"You balek jalan kaki eh, go exercise. Tengok nie perut i, macam nak meletop tao tak. Semua i kena makan. Now, no engine vehicle is allowed, only vehicle such as Rollerscooter is allowed"

and for the word that he said : this was the reaction i gave him, PRICELESS

sumpah de betol dah trip, bebual ape pon aku tak paham.

okay larh good nights.

dreaming of you

2009-06-23T03:46:00.002+08:00

Time Check: 3.46am

I can't sleep. "honesty is what that builds our friendship", now Im the one who betrayed it. I can't sleep! I need to tell you.

PS: i freak out when you told me 3 girls likes you, wth. Now i have competition. *angry face*

I apologise for not being myself. I apologise for not being truthful on that matter. I apologise for throwing tantrums on you.

I need your warmth so badly, I need you here now. I need you by my side and telling me everything will be alright and you'll stand next to me, hugging me and comforting me that you've forgiven me. I need you to tuck me in bed like a baby, lay next to me and hush to my ears the 3 magical words. I'm yearning for you. I need you babyboy, I really do. Meet me soon.

I want a big bear hug with endless ILYs!

Tick Tock Tick Tock

2009-06-23T03:15:00.004+08:00

CREAMCHEESE WANTS TO DANCE AND FALL IN YOUR ARMS.

I have choices to be made and it seems that i can't do any. I'm not able to think with a sane mind. I don't want to make any harsh decision and regret sooner or later. I need to work, working will ease my tension.

Case One
Differences bought us together. Laughter made us stronger. We've been having fights, tons of them. It's like we've been bickerin' about tiny little issue that can be solved really nicely but we make the whole issue big. I know it might be very childish but after each fight, it really convince me of your love towards me. You'll apologetically message me on my phone saying that you're sorry if you've hurt my feelings and you always remind me that you love me no matter what. How can i not be touched by your words? Are you meant to be for me? Green is your favourite colour and asam pedas is your favourite dish.

Case Two
You, my friend, recently confessed to me your feelings. I can't say a thing for the very fact that im speechless. Amazed? Yes,Very much. I asked you a simple question "How do you convince me that i'm the only girl that you liked and there's no other girl besides me?" and all you could do was replying me this message and left me thinking "I swear to you that there is not other girl that i'm currently interested in except you plus i've been liking you since the day i know you." One.Two.Three, okay my brain is functioning again. My mind played on me : What if friendships were broken because of you, think about that creamcheese. You're booking out this friday, i'm still thinking should i meet you or not.

only if Fir is around, he will know what to advise me with.

and you,

i still want to do the photography shot with you. Very much! I'm still waiting for your reply on the suggestion. Find me a photographer to take our pictures will you. I bet you will be reading my blog so please please please, tell me that you'll agree with it. I promise i'll cook for you asam pedas if you promise to take those shots with me, pretty please.

Karma was never true.

2009-06-22T19:31:00.005+08:00

That's the thing about jealousy,
it chews at your soul
and it doesn't stop until you let go.
and you know that he's my only weakness,
yet my greatest sense of security.

oh god please help me.

and boy you know
i always laugh
when you act stupidly cute infront of me.
ouh i miss you.

are you guys sweet or what?

2009-06-21T02:17:00.013+08:00

It started out with a boring out of topic conversation between jill and me, "hey you want to go sentosa this coming saturday?", and that's how we had tons of fun today with the rest. We had hunks tak menjadi in tha house plus two lovely ladies, one of which is Me =]

First and foremost, i want to put up this very nice photo of me and nas. How should i describe him? he has a cute smile, hawt hawt body which he can build on, friendly and he loves to wink at me. Cute huh? *faints* Wake up and start drooling over his photos. Aweesooommeee~

Kalau tak semua tk nak ikot, check2 semua last minute, 'eh okay jugak uh dapat ikot' go Sentosa, so there... i know you guys love me sooooooo much that you guys can't resist the temptation of not having to go Sentosa with me, i know. haha.

we were stuck at Nas house, takpe sayang nyer pasal eh Nas, you know i know okay?, cause he have to take care of his two little sister. So yeah, Nas little sister, Farah was awesomely cute man. She just took my shade and started walking and doing poses in high heels, gosh! and guess what she have a natural dash of golden-brown streak on her hair, how cool?
so moving foward.. we hit sentosa, and just like we expected.. it was f* crowded.

oh btw i have an issue with people who travels on the train or monorails or watever you guys call it or wish to address it as: DO BE CONSIDERATE WHEN YOU'RE BOARDING THE TRAIN. So tell me darla, which part of this simple sentence you don't understand? All you need to do is to fold your prem or babypusher, and give space for others to move it, note here: your son or daughter is not sitting inside, so might as well just fold it. Pathetic or what you rich *ndi*ns! you know people are staring at your furiously and yet still you act as if nothing happen.

Ouh did i mention the guys get all funny when it comes to who is going to be walking with me at the beach. Nas will call me sayang, Jill will be calling me bby and Nigel will call me Wifey, very funneh. If happen one day i capture them on video than you guys know how they behave like, macam berok.

There's a point of time i asked Jill this question:

"Why are the guys behaving like this when im around? Am i the apple of
everyone's eyes? wahah"
"Yes, for your info. Not many girls can click with us, and i don't know
why but apparently you can click really close with them that is why they are
very comfortable with you plus you are cute. Awwww. Yup, you can say that.
you're the apple of everyone's eye. as you can see for yourself everyone is
superly wanting to impress you in their own ways."

and i kept me thinking, have they? haha. Just now prove everything. Everyone wants to take picture with me, turn by turn, They were like: "no,no my turn to take photo with her", the other will go "No, my turn cb, you wait uh. Come come take picture", funneh seh hurhurhur, yaikdush : menusuk kekalbu. *EHHH* haha.

oh this is nigel. He's a chinese muslim. I kinda respect him for one thing in particular which is this, read on the bold wordings:

Please eh, he even know how to say the before food prayers clearly and loudly and i don't understand why us, pure muslim, can't even say our prayers before enjoying our meals. damn! Makan kau ngan setan - common sentence used by our parents.

Be freaking jealous because i know you find this picture, pointing below, is so nicely captured. Damn! i wished i had brought along my DSLR. knncb.
and of course, the heart-yearning boy (points below) still win the position. haha or else he will suck like one mad kid in the middle of Pahlawan Beach and go "Eh no fair sey!" throw tantrum everywhere, stomp here and stomp there. Start screaming my name like a boy who lost his mum at the beach kind of thing. haha

see i told you he's cute. No girls, cannot. This one and all the cute boys are mine already. Muahahahah. Anyhoots, tak kelakar eh Jill cakap "nanti de hempap aku, terus aku tenggelam. F* offensive like excuse me?!" Sepak muke kau baru kau tau eh Jill!

Alep found a gong-gong, you know the seafood thing, and there is still the gong-gong inside. He passed it to Nas and Nas passed it to Jill and sumpah i tell you, Jill was so attracted to the gong-gong that he wasn't even aware of his surrounding. i bet ya if there's a group of hot chiqas that passes by, he won't notice them unless they are naked larh! You get what i mean. He 'analyse' and 'wondered' a lot of question and telling me facts about gong-gong. God! I only know gong-gong is meant to be eaten like a feastive treat of seafood! oh heavenly earth.

overall, the day was spent well with great company of laughter and stupid racist jokes. Had dinner over at Seah Im foodcourt and off straight home. Should take more picture just now, i know i know. i'm in need of my camera now.

I would really thank those who have made the effort to come down and accompany me to get some fresh air outside. Thanks to you guys who have made my day a lot better. I never expected that you guys can be very fun to hang out with even though at times you guys need some timeout from time to time, and good 'spelling' from Jill, you guys are great to be around with. Remember this, when you need some good advise or need a listening ear to hear your problem, do talk to me, i'll be more than glad to help you guys.

i don't think i can consume any solid food as yet. I hate semi-solid food i rather go on a liquid diet man! At least got chocolate milk. Worth the effort drinking and loose weight. I know this might sound gross or yuckie, but everytime i eat solid food i can't chew them so i just swollow them as it is. The next thing you know, my stomach cannot digest to food particles and giving me tummy aches and ending up in the toilet having to poop. And trust me, the poop is like: okay let say i eat mee goreng olright, after drinking and all give me 10 minutes i'll be rushing to the toilet immediately. Damn! it's fucking painful now.

im having tummy upset now, help me.

gi kemam ngan kau.

2009-06-18T13:42:00.002+08:00

life is so unpredictable. it's fucking unpredictable. how on earth can someone actually take in the painful intakes of life. it's like not having to eat your painkiller while you're having your menses bitch.

it hurts the most when someone you trust, someone you look upon lie straight to your face. or maybe ears? who cares. the main point the person still lies. Lie after lie, one to cover up for the other. I'm not a small kid you know. I have feelings and i don't like it when i'm feeling all angry and waiting to explode anytime.

I'm not trying to bring up the old matters here, i've been there for you since day one your grandma is inside the hospital, never once i say that im not in the mood to accompany you to look after her. i know at this moment you need my support the most. you need the company that you've longed for.

but when you lie to me, i cannot accept it. Since when you learn how to lie? that's stupid.

i need fresh air and you, you're not part of my fresh air.

BOT; Back On Track.

2009-06-15T01:11:00.008+08:00

I've got tons of picture to upload up here for my dearest blogheads to read and look at, so currently i'm doing you guys a big favour by uploading slowly, and i really mean slowly so that you blogheads can be up-to-date with my current on going status. So here goes nothing.

1st Update will be on...

First Sister Fun Wedding Photoshoot

Location: Singapore Botanical Garden
Photographer: Pak Tam and Najib

This is the most decent shot which i think reflect love, sincerity and also Abg Yan's 8 pack tummy. wahahha. How sweet? i mean just look at the water reflection back there, it's like luring.

The main purpose of this fun photoshoot was to get a retro or botanical like retro theme for the entrance or should i say the redcarpet entrance for her wedding to be which will be on december this year. Abang Yan was super cranky that day due to lack of sleep plus the horrible weather was killer him too i suppose.
This shot was fucking natural. Two thumbs up. It was so hard to get a shot that Abg Yan is smiling and honestly the photoshoot could have been better if my first sister can loosen up and be more supporting while taking photo. Now Now Now, i want to take a wedding photo too. damn!

And here's the main thing. ME! haha. See~ Fatty, First Sister and Me. I know i look good in orange so shuddup. haha. I think it's been ages since the three of us actually hang out together and had lots of fun the whole day.

So after the botanical garden photoshoot, our stomach were grumbling and tumbling so we went to Teh Tarik over at Jurong West i think, the new one. I've been there once, damn. Sweet memory of that place or what. After that, we head down to some park, like again, and started to play memory games and just chill out with none stop ciggs supply which happen to be from me. Macam pantat. haha

2nd Update will be on...

Location: Marina Barrage

Yes, this chinese looking boy up there was being super sweet by bringing me to Marina Barrage for the first time in myself. Sumpah aku jakon nak mampos. He wanted to suprise me by not telling me where we were going and insisted that i follow him without asking him question because he just wanted to cheer me up after the heartbreaking news was told to me. So being a very sweet ass, he brought me to a place where i always wanted to go and yes! im there.

He was telling me that i behave like a kid who just gotten herself a candy. I was dumbstruck man. what would you expect?! haha. This is the cutest chinese looking guy i've ever been friend with. He is caring for his friend and always there when you need someone to talk your problem too, and he is still single and available, up for grabs. So girls.. do your job. haha. He'll kill me if he reads this man.

3rd update will be on...

Location: Arab Street

Yes! this is the most current update that you guys should be looking foward too. I had my reunion with my SM geng jahat. Eventually, it was a turn down. I expect lots to come but nah~ dah biase kena bueh. Takpe. so Those who turn up, BRAVO. Ricky, Myself, Iqee, Mike and Fad and as per normal, asyik2 muke kite tige eh korang *look decent*

iqee and i did lots of catching up with each other on my accident plus love life. We just had lots of things to laugh about. About how iqee loves to eat chicken. Myself, the one who swears the most in class. well almost every sentence i will end it with a swear. haha. How ridiculous?

The last two years in ITE taught me a lot about life. I've went through a lot while i was schooling. Family problems, Relationship Problem, Girlfriends Problem etc.. the list will continue.

So we had our dinner since mike was fucking hungry, we went to Kampong Gelam Cafe and had Sheesha over as Nasrin. That's where all the catching up begin. Trust me, all of us talk like jet train except fad's girlfriend.. i guess she was shy and perhaps she freak out because we're too noisy? i don't know. haha.

My friends are all informed on my upcoming surgery this 10 july well i really do hope that it will go well, and i mean really well.

I miss schooling, like totally. well, come on i love to whine, don't i?

speaking of which, how on earth did my kiki boy update my blog? i guess he also have his wireless connection in his cage and owns a lappy too. I wish i can borrow his coz mine seems to hate me already or is it the opposite? hah~

i need a new lappy honey. please? for my birthday perhaps? haha. no im not laughing. im serious, *hinting*

im on hiatus.

2009-06-09T00:19:00.002+08:00

Hello, the owner of this blog is on hiatus. been a hectic week for my owner.SHH~ don't tell my owner that i'm blogging for her, she doesn't know that im a high-tech persian cat. Meanwhile, let me self introduce. My name is KIKI, i'm a lovely lazy garfield-like persian cat. I'll take care of my owner's blog for now, like how i catches flies or cockroaches trying to enter my house. KIKI sound like female but im a male cat. So please.

This is my sexy hot body. Im just 4 months old, but my owner always call me 'kiki fat boy'. I weigh about 3.4kg, still i love treats from my owner. i love it when my owner actually let me eat smoked salmon and bbq tuna as a treat for being a nice cat. Of course, im a persian so i love to show off my beauty. Look down : see told you that im hot

okay toodles darlings, my owner is calling me. remember she doesn't know that im blogging for her. i love you peoople. Please don't cat-nap me or my owner will be a mad and paranoid lady.

Not Fair, I've tried my best.

2009-06-04T23:11:00.002+08:00

It's been days after that incident and yet still i can't forget you? Why is that so? I've tried my best. Now, i just have to let this feelings out. Just now i went to the place that we used to go and it brought back a lot of sweet memories. i swear i was at the verge of tearing up just over there. The table we sit to have our dinner. Gosh. i miss you so badly.

only if you're reading this.

hot

2009-06-03T00:55:00.001+08:00

i went to johor just now and it was so fucking hot. nabey.

i also realise that im a very kind hearted person, like suddenly. I decided to give stray cats food that i couldn't eat, i gave RM2 to some begger who come out of nowhere.

i also realise that Malaysian Trolley Pullers are fucking rude. This fucking guy, just pushed be aside and without saying excuse me, he walked off pushing the stupid trolleys. LIKE HELLO! Dengan aku nyer sort, i just shouted, "Oi, tkde cara per sial tolak orang tuh macam. Bodoh nyer orang. Ade mulut cakap uh!"

i don't give a fuck even though im at your country, so what?! you're rude so you don't deserve any respect from tourist like me. =]

girlfriend.

2009-06-02T00:16:00.006+08:00

It's been ages since i went out with this girlfriend of mine. Name je tinggal dekat! hahah, so we really had to do a lot of catching up together, all the gossips and heartbreaking stories. We decided that we should meet up.

First stop was Suntec Tower 2 starbucks, to meet Aman, orang giler je kena kena keje on weekdays. haha, padahal terbalek! Went there to visit Yen too! My ex-store partner cum manager, we started to make jokes and talked crap. Dayah and me had too many stories to tell each other that we talked none-stop, mcm jet train! hahaThe sun was literally above our heads man! it was freaking hot, i wonder if there is still such thing as ozone layer protecting the earth. It's so hot! wadooii~ Being the most leceh person out of the four, ouh did i mention that jill and ifan followed along too?, we had to walk from City Hall to town - nk step exercise just to find my dress which i saw at Cotton On yesterday.People all complaining already hot, i can still be so happy because PAPARAZZI is taking our photos. haha, jill step Paparazzi jer. puhlease. We ended up at Wisma after walking so far from City Hall to Plaza Singapura to Wisma. Jill and Ifan dah complain2 tak boleh tahan shopping ngan aku! ader ke patut? tak patut sungguh! Dah jalan jauh-jauh dress plak tkder, so i did some smart shopping like someone taught me to do, i ended up buying a look like denim shift dress at Hula and Co! So smart of me, save money somemore!

After the long walk, we chilled by Taka Park. wah doi, so lazy to update already. haha.

Thanks dayah for cheering me up the other day, i really love you! We've been friends since primary school and still counting. Eventhough there's time where we go on cold terms but ended up we get back together and sort things out! One thing for sure girlfriend, i know i got someone to turn to always when i have problem and you know i'll be there for you when you need me too! MWAHHHH!

and for you Jill, thank you for also cheering me up when im at my lowest point. Your lame jokes and your racist jokes always me laugh especially when i don't find it funny and you get all worked up about it! Luckily you're dayah's friend or else i wouldnt even go out with you and your monkey attitude! hahah. Dimples mesti jage okay?! haha. Do me a favour, stop your monkey laugh! *make faces*

broken.

2009-06-01T01:31:00.005+08:00

Im shattered.my hopes vanishes to the thin air. Accepting, trying and leaving it all behind.

come on darling creamcheese, you're a strong girl.
as you know : big girls don't cry - but you did. it's okay! it's okay to cry because someone hurt you but it's never okay if you can't forgive the person that make you cry, i just forgave him.
one day, you'll be able to see the difference between a stone and a gem. i pray hard for you. we'll remain as friends now.

if you are reading this : remember to always have your meals on time, drink a lot of water to hydrate your body.
Do remember the most important thing, my sweet scented hair.

dear all,

2009-05-29T17:17:00.001+08:00

I know that you guys are upset with me with the fact that I’m a changed person. You guys are upset to know that your daughter now knows how to not come home at all. I know that you guys are also upset that I have a lot of bills to pay and with the fact that I’m not working anymore for the meantime, you guys have to pay the bills for me. I’m upset of myself. I didn’t even wish these things to happen. I didn’t want to get myself injured. I want to work, I want to have my own cash, and I want to pay my bills. I don’t want to burden you guys with my shit, but what can I do for now? Only if you guys are more open to me, and instead of scolding me most of the time, you guys should at least be saying that it’s okay; you’ll pay back when you have a job. It really saddens me. Mummy, you always complaint that I’m killing you softly with my entire attitude problem and all my bills. My laptops bills, my hand phone bills but like me say, what can I do? Nothing! I want to heal fast, I want to go work and not sit and rot at home. I hate myself now. I hate everything that is happening around me now. It’s so unfair. You guys always grumble and mumble that I’m such a burden to you guys, do you know how it really feels like as a child hearing that from their own parents. While other keep on saying that they have great parents, I’m ashamed to admit but my parents don’t give a shit about me when it comes to my feelings. Not even one of them.

Double O

2009-05-29T15:51:00.005+08:00

It was so last minute larh that Zul wants me and fir to accompany him to Double O. Since it was Ladies Nite, i don't mind going. Double O yesterday was sickening, the DJ sucks in spinning the music and doing the remix, anyhow only he do the remix. boring.

but on the other hand, i was so happy, it been weeks since i last met him and yesterday i got to meet him again. Yeah-ness. happy bangat. Got to hug him, like yeah don't want to sound like a pevert but i miss his smell. awwww. haha and Zul like always, with his stupid jokes.

met a lot of familiar faces, like Eka the all time floorball bitch, geng gaduh dlm court ngan aku, Zhy, the strong sprinter since secondary school, and budak-budak yang bwh blok nies like Khai, who also happens to be my far cousin, and fadli.

Yesterday while dancing, got someone anyhow open-open the arms, sekali siku saye nyer mulut, biadap dot com. dah sakit aku nyer jaw. but it is still endurable. Aku kan strong. haaaa~.

i want to really party, only after i open my bands.

and to my dear friend zieza,

I don't know where to start but maybe i think that its best for you to voice it out. That's the only solution to the exact situation that you are in. Remember how i messaged you and told you i found something on someone, you know how heartbreaking is it? but you told me to actually asked and i think that it wasn't logical for me to ask but ended up i did. I gather my guts and actually asked but only to find out that he himself wasn't aware of it. Things were clarified then and things don't get bottled up.

You have to ask him, lower down your ego. This can help you a lot girlfriend. Yes, maybe true that he shows as if he cares and the report strenght and stuff, but who knows he's doing that for showing care and concern as a friend. That's all? Sometimes guys gives out hint that we girls take for granted. We think that he likes us, but actually he don't. Don't go too deep honey, you are going to get yourself hurt more. Its better that you actually as know, the explosion or the after effect won't be that massive unlike, two months later and you ask, the explosion will be massive. So please. This is what i can advice you honey, think okay darla, but whatever it is, you know your girlfriends are here to help you out okay?

and yes, the next round of clubbing : i have to go with you. 18 June okay?

Next on list

2009-05-28T15:40:00.005+08:00

I think that i'm going to have a jam-packed weekend for this week, like atlast!

Zieza darling sister is getting married this saturday
There's something fishy going on this saturday.
plus this
plus that
doing this
and doing that

im so sexcited to do all the listed. slow down the time please.

so many things to do, so little time.

i have tons of picture to upload, i've yet to find the time. Actually, no i have time. but im too lazy to use up the time? What the fuck am i blabbering about. gee, i also think that my menses is coming, im having all the stupid cramps at night and i feel like my intestine is going to burst anytime larh. Tak datang menses susah, datang pon susah. you tell me how?!

i feel like uploading some pictures here, but the blogger is giving loads of problem right now.

swine flu alert

2009-05-27T13:43:00.010+08:00

If you guys have been following the current news, you for sure will know that Singapore confirmed a case swine flu, like omg! Hope that the flu doesn't spread so fast or else all of us will be quarantined in particularly the same to the SARS period.

For those who are not aware of the current alert, you are strongly encouraged to do so by clicking on the following link:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090527/wl_asia_afp/singaporehealthflu_20090527032810

And also practice good hand hygiene, well if you don't know the six or seven steps, follow this picture. Stop spitting around the neighborhood like nobody's business or should I mentioned not forgetting the buses. PLEASE aunts and uncles.

Remember hygiene starts with you.chey, chey, chey dah macam Hand Hygiene Ambassador. haha.

but on the other hand, i starting to miss him so badly. He's really getting busy with all the Police Instructor training and getting all the exhausting training, he's usually all drained. Gee, i really wonder if he's feeling the same way as i do as in missing me? So tell me:

"Eh i pn drink milk ok! Choc flav agi ah! Hehe. K la i nak resume training nie..
I miss smelling ur hair."

so does that means he misses me too? hehe, AWWW! i miss everything about you. aiyaahh, so mushhy. haha

just dance

2009-05-26T13:35:00.002+08:00

I swear god it's been ages since i last did a proper blogging or should i say even blog. It's been umpteen times that i've moved around the blogspace. Who gives a shit anyway?

Yesterday marks almost one week from my operation, and I’m recuperating. The doctor loosens my bands and I can actually move my teeth a bit. I was so thankful, I swear during the past one week was one of the most difficult moment in my life. I’ve been taking on time medication and also sufficient rest to bring down the swelling from the horrific fall. Talking about that, I’m kind off in the traumatic stage you know, but I’m overpowering it slowly.

He was glad to know that I’m recuperating fast. The extra happy dosage that he always puts in me brought my spirit together to heal faster. I know this might sound mushy or whatsoever, but i want to thank those who have been praying for my recovery and also the endless get well wishes and prezzies to brighten me up, I really do appreciate them. For those who brought me chocolate, screw you! You know I can’t eat them since I just have a mandibles surgery. Hehe.

Since I can’t eat or anything, I’ve been on liquid diet and I loose weight, like seriously. I think it’s a good thing since I love to eat a lot. Even he felt the same way. But he kept emphasizing to me that being skinny or not is the secondary matter, he just need me to recover fast and gain back my self-confidence, oh btw, I will never go out of my house without shades - i'm too ashamed, so that we can go out and eat Nasi Ayam Penyet and he’ll buy for me balloons and I will be treated like a princess again. YEAH! ingat bie, you dah promise.

From the bloated swelling distorted face, I’m almost back to my normal face and in a month time I will need to use braces.

Two more weeks to go for the final opening of the bands, I seriously can’t wait.

testing for review

2009-05-25T12:51:00.000+08:00

testing for review. Today : Check up plus nervous.